“I’m a college senior that has dedicated my life to my sport, but now that my career is ending, I realize I need to start looking for a job.” There are thousands of student-athletes who either say this out loud or have this thought every year. It’s a normal and scary situation when we realize that our sport is going away, but we must begin to plan for this while we are still in school. And so, how do we begin to plan for our career while we are still student-athletes?

Well the good news is that “networking” or what I like to call building relationships is a large component of what you’re going to need to do. The other good news is that you have a built-in alumni base (anyone who has ever played your sport at your institution) that are willing and want to help you. People love helping students, and people especially love helping student-athletes that are in the situation they were once in. The next question then becomes how do I reach out to that alumni, and what do I even say? Well, we’re glad you asked. I kept hearing this question so I decided to put together a script for you to use. The below script puts together a 4-step process we believe works when reaching out to make a connection:

1. Introduction
2. Connection to them
3. Purpose for reaching out
4. Availability

Hi XXX,

I hope you’re doing well. To quickly introduce myself, my name is XXX and I am a Senior Tight End on the Yale Football team. I’m reaching out to you as I am hoping to grow my network with Yale Football alumni. I am in the process of figuring out what I want to do with my career and thought that connecting with others with similar backgrounds could help me navigate that process. [This next part is optional] I saw on your LinkedIn page that you began your career in Management Consulting and I’d love to hear about your experience with this role and how you ended up deciding on this job.

Are you available during any of the below dates/times?

– Tuesday, October 27 from 1 – 5 pm ET

– Wednesday, October 28 from 8 am – 12 pm ET

– Friday, October 30 from 1 – 3 pm ET

I am also open to other dates/times to accommodate your schedule. Let me know if you’d prefer to do Zoom or a phone conversation and I can send a calendar invite holding the time.

Thanks,

Harris Fanaroff

301-213-9338

Let us know what you think, and let us know how this works for you! Anything else work for you?

An active athlete for as long as I can remember, I always used to think about how I could involve sports in my future career. Now—almost a decade into my professional life, I have a career in Organization Development coaching and training, and I now find myself wondering how I can take these tools—self-awareness and Emotional Intelligence among them—into the world of sports. My organization, OKA (Otto Kroger Associates), specializes in Emotional Intelligence and is the largest EQ-i certification provider in North America. OKA uses Emotional Intelligence to transform people and organizations through the power of greater self-awareness and better self-management. The insights and personal toolkit of Emotional Intelligence would have amazing power within any athlete and sports team.

Within the EQi 2.0 assessment (the most popular Emotional Intelligence tool in the world), there are 15 elements that comprise the behavioral face we each bring to and show the world. I wanted to take these 15 elements—described below—and identify the top five that sports teams need to have in order to be successful. I also wanted to provide recent examples of sports teams that I think exhibited that element extremely well.

The EQ-i’s 15 elements:

• Self-Regard: self-esteem, self-respect, confidence
• Self-Actualization: pursuit of meaning, self-improvement, and the will to strive
• Emotional Self-Awareness: understanding and being curious about your own emotions
• Emotional Expression: authenticity, transparency, and the constructive expression of emotions
• Assertiveness: putting your needs and opinions into the world—even when it is difficult
• Independence: being self-directed and autonomous—emotionally and intellectually
• Interpersonal Relationships: establishing and nurturing trust, compassion, and mutually satisfying relationships
• Empathy: understanding and being curious about other people’s feelings
• Social Responsibility: social consciousness, doing and caring about what is good for others
• Problem Solving: engaging conflict and dealing with the emotional and people-sides of problems
• Reality Testing: being objective, seeing life as it is, and questioning your personal narrative when facts on the ground contradict it
• Impulse Control: resisting or delaying the impulse to speak or act
• Flexibility: taking in new data changing your mind–adapting emotions, thoughts and behaviors
• Stress Tolerance: coping with stressful situations
• Optimism: maintaining a positive attitude and outlook on life

Emotional Intelligence on display

As both a member of many dozens of sports teams and a careful student and faithful follower of still more, I believe the following five EQ-i elements are the most important to a successful (winning) sports team.

1. Self-Actualization

This is the desire for a given outcome, the want and urge to win, to get better, to be stronger and faster, for the team to be successful. The teams that want to grow, stretch, strive, and see their potential are the ones that end up holding the trophy at the end of a season. Teams with high Self-Actualization aren’t satisfied with the as-is, and they keep working toward improvement. Sports Example – 2017 Super Bowl Champion New England Patriots

2. Self-Regard

How often have we heard about the athlete with all the talent in the world, but they just don’t have the confidence? In order for a team to be successful, they must—collectively–have the confidence that they can beat their opponents. An athlete and a team are nothing without confidence. Sports Example – 2018 NBA Champion Golden State Warriors

3. Social Responsibility

For all successful sports teams out there, the players must be in it for the greater good. A team full of selfish players, each worried about their own personal success, will go only so far. The best teams understand that they must do what is best for the team—for the greater good, and at times put their own desires to the side. Sports Example – 2019 NBA Champion Toronto Raptors

4. Flexibility

No team has ever won a championship without facing adversity and being able to adapt to an ever-changing environment. Being flexible and changing based on the shifting conditions of the game or season is crucial for overall success. A championship season is never a straight line from A to B, so being able to adapt is what separates good from great teams. Sports Example – 2019 World Series Champion Washington Nationals

5. Optimism

If your team doesn’t go into games believing that you have the opportunity to win, there’s a good chance that you’ll lose. The best teams in the world truly believe that things will work out and keep a positive attitude when things get tough. The ability to stay optimistic when your season doesn’t begin how you’d like, or your best player goes down with an injury, is what builds championship cultures. Sports Example – 2019 Stanley Cup Champion St. Louis Blues

This is my list, but I’m curious what do you think? Which element did I miss, or which would you change? Any other team examples you can think of?

We at OKA recently gathered twelve Organization & Leadership Development practitioners to address an urgent topic: “How are we helping people through the new reality of the world as we get into the Fall and start of school, and what are our organizations doing to help people deal with this new world?” The goal of the conversation was to create and tap the wisdom of a community and to learn from each other about innovative ideas that organizations were implementing to serve their people in our current, challenging time.

              We were fortunate to have a friend of OKA, Hermeka Ray, help lead our discussion and generously share a number of things they are doing at her organization, Freddie Mac. Hermeka and others in the group shared many great and innovative ideas, but for brevity’s sake, I wanted to shorten the list to five ideas/themes that immerged.

1. Begin meetings with gratitude

We intentionally started our conversation with everyone going around the Zoom, and sharing something they were grateful for. While this isn’t a ground breaking exercise, the nuanced part was the specificity required in your gratitude sentence. Just saying, “I’m grateful for my job” doesn’t do the same for you as saying, “I’m grateful that I get excited to come to work today because X colleague genuinely brightens my day when he answers the phone.”

Bottom Line – The more specific you are with your gratitude—people, places, times, events—the more you’ll get the benefits of this practice

2. Provide your people with a flexible work schedule

Schools are struggling to re-open, and the reality for many people in this country is that they now have to work and help their children get through virtual school at the same time. This is difficult, and an employer best-practice is to allow this kind of flexibility for employees. We can no longer expect that each employee is available from 9 to 5 because some employees’ will get their best work done from 7 to 10 PM—once they have put their kids to sleep.

Bottom Line – The more we can provide flexibility around the workday for our people, the more productive they will be.

3. Be aware of burnout

The need for flexible schedules speaks directly to what we are hearing from a ton of people right now, burnout. Now that we are no longer commuting to an office and our “offices” are in our homes, people are working more hours and feeling burned out as a result. It’s easy to hop on your computer to do work at night and on weekends, and because of this, people don’t feel they can get away. The best organizations are addressing this burnout through workshops and trainings, and highly recommending vacations during this time.

Bottom Line – Identify the early warning signs of burnout in your organization, and train your managers to be aware of it when they see it.

4. Allow the space for conversation

Organizations are struggling right now; there is no doubt about that. The stress of these pressures can lead many to care more for the bottom-line than the people with whom we work. The irony is that if we take care of our people, the bottom line will much more likely be taken care of. The best organizations are providing opportunities for their people to share what they are feeling right now. They are continuing to have trainings to provide open spaces for genuine check-in moments like, “how are you all feeling with everything going on?”

Bottom Line – Genuinely check-in with your people, and provide the space for them to share how they are feeling. Ask, “How are you doing?” And genuinely listen to the answer before moving on to your work conversation.

5. Emphasize connections

Creating connections in the virtual world can be difficult, but they are necessary. We need our family, friends, and colleagues now more than ever as we deal with the stressful reality of not being able to see each other in person. Many successful organizations are providing virtual cooking classes, virtual coffee chats, virtual workouts, and virtual walking meetings to help increase connections inside their organization. We need to find a way to make up for the previous random conversations at the water cooler where genuine connections are and were built, and some organizations are being intentional about doing this in the virtual space.

Bottom Line – Put time on your calendar to connect with people inside your organization. Move your weekly check-in to be 1 hour instead of 30 minutes, and make it a walking conversation so that you can connect on topics outside of work.

Whether you are in High School or College, missing one of the few seasons you get to play your sport because of the pandemic is hard. It is especially difficult for the Seniors who lost their last season. We are in unprecedented times and to, basically out of nowhere, lose your season can be especially difficult for someone in their late teens and early twenties. Given the work I do with high school and college athletes on their mental performance, I wanted to share my thoughts on how to help the athlete who lost their athletic season.

1. Allow the athlete to sit with the emotion they are feeling

Nobody else in their lifetime has experienced losing their season 100% due to something they could not control. It’s normal and okay to feel angry, sad, frustrated, mad, disappointed, and everything in between. Allowing our athletes to express those emotions and what they’re going through can be an incredibly helpful tactic. Do not try to “fix” their emotion but rather just ask questions and allow them to share with you what they are feeling.

2. Remember you’re not the only one going through this

It can be easy to only focus on what has happened to us and the pain we are going through, but it’s important to recognize all similar aged athletes are feeling this way. Understanding that you are not alone can make this easier to deal with. In regards to that, talk with your teammates about what they’re going through as it can be helpful to talk it out with others feeling the same way. Don’t lose that personal touch with your teammates because the season has been cancelled. You need your teammates now more than ever to get through this.

3. Try to focus on what you can control

As the seasons have been in flux, it’s been incredibly difficult to prepare to be in your best shape when the season starts. That’s totally understandable and nobody expects you to be at your best when all of a sudden your season begins. It is totally acceptable for someone to expect you to bring a positive attitude, work-hard, and be a good teammate through all of this. Focus on what you can control during this pandemic and not the external factors.

4. Focus on creating a new vision/identity for yourself

As athletes, especially elite atheltes, we have a tendency to put ourselves in a box as an athlete. Whenever you describe yourself to new people, you most likely say some form of “I’m a baseball player,” or a family member often refers to you as “Johnny the baseball player.” Use this time to understand why you play your sport and what your values are. When we can begin to think of ourselves and our identify from a values perspective, it can be less daunting when we lose our season. Perhaps you play your sport because of the relationships you build with your teammates, and even during a pandemic when you can’t play your sport, you can still work on and maintain those relationships.

I have been working with, and hearing a lot from, high-level high school athletes about the stress they are going through when it comes to getting recruited right now. Getting recruited at any point is stressful, so trying to do so during a pandemic can be incredibly overwhelming. Many of these athletes feel lost and like they have lost control of the recruitment process. They are nervous about not getting recruited by the right college, or not getting recruited at all, as seasons continue to get cancelled. I had been hearing this question of “what can I do right now to best prepare myself as a potential college athlete?” so often that I decided to write this blog post on five things that high-school athletes can do during Covid-19 to best set themselves up for success.

1. Manage your time effectively

The difference between good and great high school athletes coming out of this will be determined by how you used your time during this pandemic. Did you use this “down” time to your advantage or did you play video games and not work on getting better? To set yourself up for success during this time, you have to effectively manage your time. For the first time for most elite high school athletes, you do not have everything planned, so it’s up to you to plan the things on your calendar that will get you better.

2. Remember everyone is going through this at the same time

It can be lonely and it can be scary trying to get recruited during a pandemic, there is no doubt about that. It’s also important to remember that every other perspective college athlete is going through the same thing. Nobody gets to have D1 college coaches at their games so it is not like you are at a disadvantage compared to others. It’s important to keep this in perspective when you are letting the negative thoughts snow ball in your head.

3. Pay attention to the rule changes

It seems the rules are changing weekly in what college coaches can and cannot do. This only adds to the excess stress that high school athletes are going through right now. It’s important to find a way to stay in tune with the different rule changes. At Athlete Roadmap Coaching, we have a dedicated expert staying up to date on all the up to the minute college recruiting rule changes. Understanding the rules will help ease the anxiety when you are, for example, not getting a response from a college coach that you were previously in touch with.

4. Work on what you can

Games weren’t happening for many months and for some sports in some areas, they still aren’t happening. This sucks and it’s not fair, and now once we accept that, let’s focus on what we can control. We have been given a huge opportunity to take a step back and either further improve our strengths or work on our weaknesses. Perhaps this is your opportunity to work on the mental side of the game, or get into the best running shape of your life. The athletes that take advantage of this period (as opposed to complaining about it) will be the ones that end up setting themselves up for success.

5. Be proactive now more than ever

A lot of players used to think, and some continue to think, that you can just show up and the college coach of your dreams will find you. Right now college coaches do not have the ability to travel to watch you play, so it’s up to you to be proactive about what you’re doing to stay in top shape and leverage videos you can easily create during your games/practices. You’re going to have be more proactive than ever before by focusing on two things; video and references. Utilize your high school and travel coaches as references because they will have the relationships with the college coaches, and will be able to serve as a reference for if you can play at that level.

Life has a habit of throwing curveballs at us.  That’s a good analogy for this episode.  Our guest today,  Harris Fanaroff shares his journey that took a very interesting turn and led him to a success that he never imagined.  If you need a good example for how to handle life when your plans fall apart, this is the episode for you!

https://www.podbean.com/media/share/pb-9bkbt-e669b9?utm_campaign=u_share_ep&utm_medium=dlink&utm_source=u_share

The fifteenth and final element of Emotional Intelligence is optimism. Optimism is defined by the EQi 2.0 as “your ability and tendency to look at the brighter side of life and to maintain a positive attitude even in the face of adversity.” Optimism gives you hope and enables you to see the future as a positive, inviting place. A positive outlook, faith, and hopefulness are all rooted in optimism.

It is not an easy time to be optimistic, but the good news is that it’s something that we can work on. A lot of people think that you are either born an optimistic person or you’re not, but the research within the EQi would suggest otherwise. We have the ability to shift to become a more optimistic person when we start to get intentional with our actions.

With that being said, I wanted to share three ways to become more optimistic:

1. If an affiliation with a group or relationship is making you lose hope or motivation, consider pulling back from that commitment and spending less time with that group.
2. Find an activity that makes you smile and laugh. The physical act of smiling impacts the brain which opens up the possibility for more optimism.
3. Every morning write down three things you are grateful for. A gratitude journal is one of the best ways to look at the positives in your life.

The fourteenth element of Emotional Intelligence is stress tolerance. Stress tolerance is defined by the EQi 2.0 as “the ability to function well in the midst of challenging and stressful situations – to shoulder stress without getting overwhelmed.” Stress tolerance is rooted in endurance, recovery, health, and resilience. There are many aspects of this pandemic that are incredibly stressful, and having the ability to function in the midst of this stress is crucial.

A high stress tolerance is a necessary element to move through the world that we are currently living in. Almost nothing in this world looks like it used to, so navigating this new reality can often cause stress. A high amount of stress tolerance typically shows up with an ability to alleviate and shoulder stress as well as having the confidence to understand you will be able to get through this. Our confidence can be developed in a variety of ways, but surrounding yourself with positive and uplifting people, can be a great way to lift you out of a stressful situation.

With that being said, I wanted to share three ways we can work on our stress tolerance during this pandemic:

1. Name, tame, and explain the stressful emotion that you are feeling. Sometimes taking a step back and doing the inner-work to understand where your stress is really coming from can help you develop the confidence to move past it.
2. Our stress is directly tied to our nutrition, exercise habits, and sleep schedule. Check to make sure that all of these are at an optimal level for you. If they aren’t, begin to identify ways that you can make changes to at least one of them.
3. When you are starting to feel stressed and anxious, get up from your desk and take a walk. Or, if you’re dealing with a time-sensitive topic, close your eyes and take a couple seconds to just breathe.

The thirteenth element of Emotional Intelligence is flexibility. Flexibility is defined by the EQi 2.0 as “your ability and tendency to adjust your emotions, thoughts, and behavior to changing situations and conditions, to adapt – to take in new data and change your mind or approach.” Flexibility is rooted in openness, curiosity, change, and adaptability. Understanding that there are situations where you need to adjust your emotions, thoughts, and behaviors is vital in the current social justice movement.

Those who are inflexible tend to hold firm to their beliefs even when new data is introduced to them. Someone who is flexible is able to change their mind when they are introduced to new data, and they are able to see the world differently when new information is presented to them. Someone who is flexible understands that there may be different sides to an argument and is willing to be open to understanding the other side.

With that being said, I wanted to share three ways we can work on our flexibility during this time:

1. Actively listen to your colleagues or friends, take in new data and/or a new perspective, and push yourself to change your mind about something.
2. On an issue where your position is fixed, try to think about at least two other positions that could be possible on the other side of the argument.
3. Consider how coming curious to a conversation could be benefit you over coming fixed to that conversation. Even if you believe you are correct, explore being curious about other opinions.

It’s never easy to step away from something that you love…especially when you’ve worked your entire life for it. Harris Fanaroff loved the game of baseball. He was drafted by the Washington Nationals and played D1 baseball for Lehigh University, however during his time in school, Harris lost his passion for the game and decided to step away. Today, Harris credits a lot of his success to the tough decisions that he made early in his journey. He is now a mental performance coach, helping professionals and athletes reach their ultimate potential. He is able to pull lessons from his past experiences to inspire and motivate others to their goals. In this episode we unpack why he made the decisions that he did and what he learned along the way – he even shares some motivational nuggets throughout. You can follow Harris at: Instagram: @harrisfanaroff LinkedIn: Harris Fanaroff

Podcast Episode – https://open.spotify.com/episode/3qyOuaUNM7tYKdnlFXWMXa